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[ look, there just aren't that many cute spider-themed nicknames out there. legs? charlotte? bane of arachnophobes everywhere? ]

I actually know someone who can channel a cricket
along with every other animal in existence, but still

Paris, then

[ he almost adds it's a date but that would be weird. right? weird? ]

don't worry, I won't actually make you pay me anything when you lose
the knowledge that I'm right and you're wrong will be more than enough for me

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